Breaking Generational Worry Around Food

I had an interview with Gale from the Minnesota News Network yesterday in response to the report from the Trust For America's Health which found that Minnesota had the lowest rate of overweight children in the nation. And while, I am always impressed when we rank number 1, it still is a staggering 23% of our children who are overweight which is concerning.

I talked with Gale about the need for an environment where both the parents and the child have a positive relationship with food and the parents model balanced and structured meals. Discussing that parents who worry, fear, talk about food excessively, eat sporadically or excessively or are hyper focused, or trying to hard to overcorrect can lead to a high chance that the child will model that same behavior and ultimately a poor relationship with food which can lead to brain wiring around stress, which can ultimately lead to physiological imbalances that for some can cause weight gain and a lifetime of angst. Thus, the developing brain of a child can wire to have similar fears and stress responses around food as the adult which can last throughout adulthood and be passed on to another generation.

A dear friend of mine, who is a therapist, suggested a book written by Daniel Siegel and Marty Hartzell called Parenting from the Inside Out, which I happened to pick up last week. Now, I am only page 64, but already this has been one of the best popular books that I have read that clearly explains how implicit memory, explicit memory and brain development occur. This book does not have a "food" theme, however it does help explain how wiring (poor relationships with food and body, fear, etc) occurs and how we as parents have triggers from our own previous experiences in life which can cause stress responses. Some of these stress response triggers are very much hidden in the subconscious and we are often not even aware of why they are happening. If we don't have an understanding of these previous life experineces, then the likelihood that they will be passed on to the next generation is high. Sigel writes "Without such self-understanding, however, science has shown that history will likely repeat itself, as negative patterns of family interactions are passed down through the generations". With that being said, the good news is "your early experiences do not determine your fate". Siegel states that when there is understanding of early-life experiences then "you are not bound to re-create the same negative interactions with your own children".

I work with a significant number of adults in my practice who have lived in fear and angst with food their entire life. For many of those clients, they are now feeding their own children which brings up a lot of their fears and unreasonable expectations. Again, fear and angst create a physiological response which can lead to cravings, hunger and weight gain. Having an understanding and setting new reasonable expectations as an adult can significantly change the brain wiring, resulting in a better relationship with food, decreasing the stress response and if you have children, providing a better model for your child.

Be curious! Watch and connect with the feelings that food, meals, weight bring up when you are with your child.

Have compassion for your self and the process. If you watched your mom or dad worry about
food a lot when you were a child, or if there were unreasonable expectations placed on you as a child... "great job for eating all your food", "you are good if you are a certain weight", etc., then chances are those messages are deeply wired in memory. As an adult they may seem silly, but you may still be feeling those feelings and living with those unreasonable expectations.

Get professional help. Work with a therapist or nutrition therapist (this is my specialty). There is no need to try to attempt this journey alone. The Solution Method, is an excellent tool for helping create more reasonable expectations and attachment.

Neuroscience research has show us that brain wiring can and does change, so even though your early memory may have wired around food and stress, it doesn't mean that it needs to stay that way! Changing your brain is a gift for you and generations!